Football Mentalities: Why there is no shame in parking the bus...

The Beautiful Game.

Nowadays, it is very commonplace to find people who "love" football and are die-hard fans (usually of a well-marketed team from England or one of the Spanish big two). These are the people who parrot the so-called Football pundits like Carlton Palmer and John 'Budgie' Burridge. Though that in itself is inherently stupid, they go a step further and claim that they understand football and how it is meant to be played. Though I may not be a pundit myself, I do not have to bend to the whims of the public and sponsors like the telecasters and can freely express my own opinion about what it means to play Football, with a philosophy that matches the team's skills and style of play.

I would like to start off by stating the obvious, which people seem to have forgotten: No two people are the same! They will have different skills, abilities and temperaments. Now multiply this difference by 22 and you will understand why it is so wrong to insist that all teams should play one brand of football, attacking. The worst culprits are fans of teams who play attacking football, to wit Barcelona, Real Madrid and Bayern Munich. These people are incredibly blessed to have such talent in the teams they follow, and it is understandable that they judge all others by that scale, but is it fair? Not really. All teams CANNOT be like these three! Would an elephant climb a tree like a monkey? Would a whale chase down and hunt gazelles like a leopard? 

Now to my second point, the stigma against teams who focus on defending, especially Italian teams (I refuse to call what most English teams do defending, they simply put as many bodies as they can between the ball and the goal). There is a ridiculous sentiment that exists among amateur football followers; attacking = exciting, defending = boring. My point is highlighted by the fact that Bayern absolutely whipped Barcelona for their atrocious defending, while they themselves did not concede, because they have actual defenders, not half-baked defenders (read: Pique) or midfielders posing as defenders (Mascherano/Busquets). I myself prefer to play attacking football, but I can appreciate teams who focus on defending. This is partly due to the fact that there is an acute shortage of defensive  talent in the sport right now, and most people, who have recently started watching the sport, have not seen the greats in action. I have had the privilege of following the serie A, the last bastion of great defending for over ten years now, and I have seen players like Zanetti, Maldini, Nesta, Samuel, Lucio, Cannavaro, Zambrotta and Thuram ply their trade with incredible skill and ability. 

The perfectly executed off-side trap, a silky sliding challenge or just some perfunctory rough-housing and jostling; there are as many aspects to proper defending as there are to attacking. To say defenders lack technique is stupid: they might lack ball-playing skills, but their off-the-ball movement, man-marking and reading of the game are technical strengths as well! However, I agree that with the modern game focusing more on the athletic skills of the defenders than on their technique, defenders are a dying breed. To say Pique is a great defender and calling him Piquenbauer is a slap in the face for Der Kaiser. Only a few great defenders remain today, like Zanetti, Thiago Silva, Ferdinand (earlier years) and Chiellini. By great, I do not mean they put their bodies on the line or are top-notch athletes who can boss the attackers. A great defender nullifies attacks with minimal effort, such is his reading of the game. I have watched the master at work during the 2006 World Cup, in Il Capitano, Fabio Cannavaro, and I was awestruck. For more beautiful defending moments, please watch this, this and this.

But, I digress.. back to the main point in question, is 'parking the bus' bad? First off, that term in itself has a negative connotation, which is unfair. Would it be fair to call the tiki-taka "mindless and boring passing"? Though many people think so, the tiki-taka is a process like weaving an intricate net, the result is only clear after the process ends. Similarly, by parking the bus, the team achieves the desired result, so why is that bad? Should a group of players who are technically outmatched try to go toe to toe with the other team? Where is the sense in that? Even Muhammad Ali, in the Rumble in the Jungle, played to his strengths and tired George Foreman out. Had Ali gone toe to toe with Foreman, the latter would obviously have floored him with his superior strength. So why not blame Ali for his avoid-and-evade tactics? Let's take an example: if you are a math genius, but find it difficult to understand linguistics, would you rather take a job that requires math or become a linguist? It's a pretty straightforward answer.

I would like to rename 'parking the bus' as 'playing to one's strengths' or 'smart play'. The seeds of  this philosophy were planted by the the legendary Helenio Herrera, during his time with Internazionale FC, with his Catenaccio ("door-bolt") philosophy. This was essentially a man-to-man system which relied heavily on self-discipline and defensive awareness. As times progressed, it has developed more into a zonal-marking system, where defenders are assigned zones instead of players. This system has been dumbed down (presumably for English players) into a "11 men in front of goal" system, which is ugly but effective. Think about it, would you rather have a team like Chelsea, who play ugly but are relatively more successful in recent years, or Arsenal, the eternal underachievers despite playing 'attacking' football? After all, isn't trophies what anyone would want for their team?

So summing it up, while I do not like the parking the bus system, it is sufficiently justifiable to employ it for teams who simply cannot, do not have the means, or choose not to play attacking and tactical football. What I would like to see is Messi and Ronaldo playing against Zanetti and Maldini in their prime. That would have been quite a sight! 

Five Inspiring Fictional Characters...

It is not uncommon to have role models, people who inspire you and make you want to be like them. This could be anyone, a family member, friend,  teacher, political leader or even a random stranger who did something that just strikes the right chord within you. These role models influence and change lives, they instil a sense of empowerment in people and make them believe that even they can do something meaningful and inspiring in their own lives, heroic things that they didn't think they could do. These role models can come from any walk of life and can inspire the masses through their qualities or actions. For examples of such people, look no further than the great Nelson Mandela, the man who inspired a nation, a man who inspired the people to ignore their racial differences and exist together.

Even though there are many real people, at times unsung, who have been sources of great inspiration to many people, in this article, I would like to focus on some fictional characters who have inspired me just as much as a real person would have. These characters can teach us important life lessons if we can decipher the message that they want to convey.

So without further ado, let's start off with...

5. Superman 

Memorable quote: "There's always a way."

Superman, the Man of Steel, the God among men, the Unstoppable Force. Here is a guy who is so powerful that nothing other than Kryptonite can stop him. He is an army unto himself, and a rather potent army at that. He can choose to rule over mankind and no one will be able to stop him. Slow him down, maybe, stop him completely? Not a chance. However, he is an inherently good person and resists the temptation of using his power for evil (we can thank Jonathan and Martha Kent for that). He dedicates his entire life to saving total strangers and shies away from the limelight by using a not-so-convincing alter-ego, Clark Kent.  

But the truly remarkable fact about Superman is that he never, ever uses his powers to their full limit for the fear of inadvertently hurting someone. Even while fighting criminals or super-villains, he takes care not to turn them into a gooey ball of flesh and powdered bones, (apart from one instance where he lets loose his powers to fight Darkseid, but hey, Darkseid is just as powerful!) he always finds a way to incapacitate them without killing them when killing would have been a hundred times easier. Just imagine having all of Superman's powers, imagine how difficult it would be to remain humble about it and not go strutting around, showing off, or how difficult it would be to resist the temptation to settle old scores or just use these powers for personal gain. 

Laser vision, super strength, ice breath and flight are Superman's abilities, but the conviction and mental strength it takes to do something good with these abilities and not abuse them is his real power. The fact that he uses all his abilities for good and not for evil is what truly makes him 'super'. That is the message that we should take from him.

4. Sherlock Holmes

Memorable quote: "It has long been an axiom of mine that it is the little things that are infinitely more important."

Sherlock Holmes has probably the greatest intellect in the world of fiction, and that's quite something! He has been telling us for over a century what MBA "Gurus" tell us today, think laterally! His love for logical reasoning, deduction (though far-fetched at times), data and actually implementing his ideas is what made him such a great detective. All these aspects are crucial in making Sherlock Holmes what he was. His brother Mycroft was equally or even a bit more intelligent, but his laziness and lack of drive was why Sherlock was better at what he did. His axioms, that little things are often the most important and when everything else is disproved, the only remaining solution, however improbable, has to be correct, are timeless and hold true even today.

There is great inspiration to be drawn from this character, not necessarily to solve crimes, but also in everyday life. Observing instead of just seeing things, making simple, logical decisions and deductions can go a long way in bettering your life. 

3. Jack Reacher

Memorable quote: "Hit first, hit hard."

Jack Reacher, a hulking 6 foot 5 man, graduating from the Military academy and a member of the 110th Special Investigations Unit, is a one man army. A born fighter and man of simple tastes and rules in life. A man who has trained himself to be aggressive when he is threatened rather than afraid. If you think about his, this is quite a good skill to have. Being afraid solves nothing, fear is a paralytic, anger and aggression are motivators. When faced with a problem, even one which appears to be insurmountable, never back down. Feeling fear is all right, but letting it take over you is absolutely unacceptable for Jack Reacher. His manner of thinking, of meting out justice and not waiting for red tape and bureaucracy is something that every person would like to see: the bad guy gets punished for his crimes, the end justifies the means. 

Though I would not advocate following his rules and ideologies to the letter, in principal, they are brilliant. Sometimes, you have to take life by the scruff of its neck and make things happen instead of waiting for something to happen! And when faced with problems, take them head on!!

2. Uzumaki Naruto

Memorable quote: "Give up on me giving up."

Now it's time for the heavyweights. Number 2 and 1 are so close that it's almost a tie between them, so it was a coin toss.

Naruto is the embodiment of determination and hard work. That is not to say that he doesn't have talent. He is extraordinarily talented, he just cannot harness that talent in the beginning. He loses his parents when he is an infant and has no one to call his own. Fighting against the odds, he wins over the respect and love of the people in his village one by one and makes them acknowledge him. This journey from obscurity to being one of the most important people in his village is anything but smooth. He faces many challenges, some of them are common-place, like girl troubles, while some are   extremely difficult. But throughout this epic journey (which has not finished yet), his commitment to his goal (becoming the Hokage, the village's most respected Ninja) remains unwavering. He is loyal to his friends and a fearsome warrior for his enemies. He can master techniques through sheer brute force and hard work.

He is an example of how never giving up and trying hard are virtues. 

1. Rocky Balboa

Memorable quote: "It ain't over till its over."

This is as good as it gets, Robert "Rocky" Balboa Sr. The Italian Stallion, the Philadelphia Southpaw! A character who has gone through the ups-and-downs, who has seen it and done it all in the boxing ring, who has a bull-dog like fighting spirit, need I go on! It would have really been spectacular if it had been based on a true story, but hey, no one's complaining. A boxing ring is one of the best metaphors for life, and Rocky's story in the ring is how one should live life. Taking the hits, never going down, keeping getting back up no matter how bad the punishment, hitting back as long as there is breath in your body; all these are the things that people have to do in life too. It sends chills down my spine every time I watch 'Rocky Balboa' the latest film, which according to me, is the best of the lot. But I am glad that Sylvester Stallone ended up portraying the character and I am even more glad that he gave Rocky such a fitting ending. 



This article is my way of paying tribute to the men who created these characters who have influenced my life so much.

Five most absurd stereotypes about people, that actually have reasons

Five most absurd stereotypes about people, that actually have reasons

There are stereotypes and then there are stereotypes. Using stereotypes is considered as politically incorrect and inherently wrong by today's standards. But still, we all have used them, go on, feel free to admit it, no one's judging here. Though many of them are untrue and rather baseless, here is a list of five stereotypes that I believe are actually based on reality.

5. Indians stink

This is one of the most frequently touted stereotypes I've ever heard or seen. All white people think it, even if they don't say it, Indians stink!

Nice odourant!

    

But as it turns out, this stereotype can be partially explained by science and poor hygiene conditions. According to scientists, the type of food a person eats can influence the 'odor' produced by that person's sweat glands. Indians usually use lots of garlic and other such foul smelling ingredients in their food, which leads to bad breath and bad body odor. Also, the humid conditions in India result in more active sweat glands. Add to this the fact that the conditions there sometimes do not even allow people to have daily baths! All of this together gives the Indians their stink. So if you visit India, your nose is in for a clusterfuck of ungodly smells... Just kidding, your nose will get used to the stench soon.

4. Chinese people can't drive

Here is another one from the Asian subcontinent. It's quite ironic that the people from the country that produces the largest number of automobiles per year are called bad drivers. This stereotype however has quite a complex explanation.

 Confucius says: Try hard and you will reach the top.

The origin of this stereotype was the fact that when Nixon relaxed the immigration laws and the Chinese started to invade (oops, wrong word) America, almost all of them had never even sat in a car, let alone driven one. Americans on the other hand, grew up in cars, going on vacations, to drive-through cinemas and usually the art of driving was passed down from father to son. Compare this with people who were just getting their heads around the fact that they could own cars, and you see why the stereotype was formed. Nowadays, with everyone owning cars, this stereotype is becoming less true.

Not quickly enough though!

3. Jews are greedy

This is a tricky one. This is one of the oldest known stereotypes, which came into existence thanks to old William Shakespeare, with his work, 'The Merchant Of Venice'. This story even gave a semi-official word to the English language, "Shylock", meaning a greedy miser.

Pictured: Shylock, asking for the interest on the money he lent to his wife! Oy Vey!

  

Modern days Jews though, are unfairly considered to be all Shylock's descendants. Actually, Jews have often been stereotyped as greedy and money-mad. This belief has its roots in the Middle Ages, when the Church had forbidden Christians to lend money while charging interest. Jews were legally restricted to occupations as usurers, usually to Christians, and thus many went into money-lending. This led to the association of Jews with greedy practices.

2. Russians drink vodka instead of water

Well comrade, contrary to popular belief, Vodka was not invented in Russia. It was not until 1398, when the Genovese began shipping Vodka to Lithuania that Vodka made its appearance in Russia. And it was not until the middle 1400s that Vodka distillation began in Russia, and then except for a short 30 year blip, Russia has had a monopoly over Vodka for 400 years! Over this period, it has played a vital role in Russian culture (seriously, they have a frikkin' Vodka museum), economy and has destroyed countless

families through alcoholism and abuse.

Here's to a marriage full of alcohol and abuse. Cheers!

Even though nowadays the Russians have diversified and started indulging in other forms of drinks, the Vodka will always have a special place in their livers.

1. Africans are well endowed

You knew this one was coming. This is one stereotype which every man secretly wishes were associated with his culture. It has been mentioned in several books, movies, pop references and on the net, that African males are extremely well endowed.

"This is just the size of the tip."

  

Among women of a certain type *cough* sluts* cough*, there is a saying, “Once you try black you never go back!” So why this discrimination? Actually, there is anthropological evidence supporting the fact that African males are actually winners in the Schlong department.

Research about the average dong size has confirmed the stereotype, with Africans coming out on top, Asians at the bottom and Europeans somewhere in between.

Men from The Republic of the Congo take top position with an average of 7.1 inches.

 Behold, Homo Gigantus!